Five Minute Friday: Tree

Have you ever heard the expression, "bend until you break"?

I often wonder when that breaking point is. How much is too much? 

Sometimes everything piles on and you don't really know if it's ever going to stop. You ask, "Lord, how much more will you ask me to endure?" and your met with silence. What is one to do? How are you supposed to lean and bend when you feel like just one more fraction of an inch will be the last straw? 

In your heart you know the answer to that question. You know that satan in playing on your weaknesses. You know that he takes satisfaction in your sorrow and loneliness. You know that you are letting him win. You KNOW!!! 

What you don't know is how to pull yourself up out of darkness when you have days that feel like a dark cloud is looming over you. You don't know how to over come that. In the back of your mind you hear that still small voice saying "praise Me anyways!!!" and you do! You shout Praise to Him and you emerge  yourself in Him but somehow you fall short. Then what?

I want to be the strong oak tree. The one that is known for it's ability to be pushed, shoved, and bent but never breaks. The one that, after the storm is over, will stand up straight again and flourish.




***I am joining the amazing group of ladies for FIVE MINUTE FRIDAY. Hop on over to Lisa-Jo Bakers blog and check it out. It's life changing.

Fear...such an ugly word!

"Fear does not come from God huh mom? Fear comes from satan. And by being afraid it's kinda like we are letting satan win, right?"

These are my 10 year old daughters words. She was referring to her struggle with staying in her bed all night due to being scared but the impact of these words hit so close to home for me that it was like God was speaking right to me. She is one hundred percent correct. Fear is not from God. Why does it take hearing this from my daughter to get it to finally sink in? 

Our conversation progressed that day and she came to the conclusion that she was not going to let satan win anymore. She was going to believe that God would not let anything happen to her and she was going to stay in her bed all night long. She is currently working on that and is making progress but she still ends up in my floor sometimes. I think the main thing is that she is trying. She is taking a stand against her fear and she is trusting God to help her through it! It inspires me to let go some of my fear too. 

A couple of days ago I asked a close friend of mine why she thinks I have procrastinated in switching colleges from my AZ college to a local college here in TX. The conversation changed before I could get a solid reason from her but in truth, I think I already knew. 

I am scared. I don't like change! I find a groove and I slip into it and even though I need the change, even though I want the change I hesitate because fear consumes me and I start playing the what-if game. What if it's harder out here, what if I can't find a sitter for Waylon, what if I end up failing and not reaching my ultimate goal?

Another situation has recently brought back old fears of mine. Fears of rejection. I have this urge to get to know a part of my family that until recently I knew very little about. I have always longed to know more and now that the oppertunity has presented itself again I get slammed with more what-ifs. What is they hate me? What if some of them don't accept me? What if it's too late? 

And then Katie's sweet words fill my head "Fear is not from God!" and I feel nothing but guilt and anger for allowing satan to control me like that! You see I too have learned a few things and I KNOW that without a doubt the harder satan pushes me away from something the better it's going to be when I push right back and shut him down! I am reminded that God already knows the outcome of all of this and that He will not ever let me down!!! As long as I hold on to my faith and allow Him to work in my life then I have nothing to fear! 

I refuse to let satan win by allowing fear to keep me from doing something!! Today I called NCTC and got stuff sorted out to meet with an advisor. I have also made the decision to take this new situation and these new people that are coming into my life and embrace them. I am going to set my fear aside and trust in Gods timing and not ask questions like what-if or why! There is a reason for everything and Gods timing is always spot on. I will no longer doubt that!! 

I am in awe that God can use a conversation from over a month ago and the words of a child to open my eyes! I am so thankful for all the things that He is doing in mine and my family's life and I just felt the need to shout about it!! 

Five Minute Friday: She

Today I am linking up with Lisa-Jo and the ladies over at Five Minute Friday. It's a community of bloggers who come together every Friday to write unedited for five minutes on a given prompt. Head on over, check things out, and join us! 


Today's word: She

It has been a couple weeks since I have done a FMF. Life has a way of getting away from me and time flies right out the window. Just a few minutes ago I was sitting at the kitchen counter cutting toast in half for my little guy thinking about the million things I have to do before I leave on my mini mommy vacation. I gave the baby his toast and said "make sure you eat it all...the crust will make your teeth strong!" I froze and immediately a smile spread across my face. A very strong memory of my childhood came rushing back and I was overwhelmed with emotions. Bittersweet emotions.

She was one of the most influential people in my life. I have slowly come to realize this as the things she taught me come out through the way I raise my own children. Like today with the toast, she used to tell me that! I was so little and I remember thinking that was the most crazy thing I have ever hear....but I ate the crust just in case! She was strong, so very strong, both in will and determination. She was a fire cracker who enjoyed nothing more then giving everyone crap....mostly me! She could hold her own against anyone that dare go against her. She was good for a laugh too. She was easy to get riled up and close family knew how to do that well. Once you got her going there was no stopping her either. When it she did eventually wind down it would usually end with her calling everyone "damned fools" and her retreating back to her beloved chair.

 I remember one time we she was living with me and we were having a birthday party for my daughter who was turning 3. We had lots of friends and family over. (including my husbands grandma who was very churchy.) My brother in law thought it would be funny to get her going and somehow started a conversation about my husband and I having another baby, which was not true! I was in school at the time and had no intentions of having another baby. He told her that I was trying to get pregnant. She argued that I wasn't but he insisted. I tried to tell her he was being funny but she wouldn't hear it. She jumped up out of her chair and in front on everyone said, "Nicka you BETTER not be trying to get knocked up!!" then she looks right at my husband and says, "you better be using those things, those condom things!!!" The house roared with laughter but my husband and I were SO embarrassed. I was worried Randy's grandma would be offended but by the end of the night she was chit chatting away and said she had a great time before leaving. 

She was one of my most favorite people whom I loved more then anything and every day here with out her stinks. But I am comforted by knowing that little things like making toast for my kids will remind me of her and in turn set off a chain reaction of memories (that will most like lead to a blog post like this one haha) that somehow pushes through the tears and makes me smile. I take comfort in knowing that despite how ornery she was she knew her God and one day I will see her again....then she can yell at me once more.

She is my grandma Betty. She is one I will carry in my heart and my memories for the rest of my days! 

Grandma Betty with my oldest....2000

Mommy Meltdown

In just a few short hours I will be waking the kids up to get ready for their first day of school. There will be whining because they don't want to wake up and I am sure that at least one of them will refuse to eat breakfast. Katie and I will most definitely argue over her outfit because I know even though we spent an hour picking out the perfect look tonight she will change her mind by morning. There will be a mix or nervousness and excitement and happiness over the new. And as happy I am for them I am even more sad. 

There I said it! I am sad that tomorrow will be here so soon. Yes, I have on several occasions asked "how long before school starts?" this summer but now that its here I find myself truly sad. 

Maybe it's because my little cowboy is starting Kindergarten! Or that Buggy is actually going to be a 5th grader. I am almost positive that Colten starting his freshman yeah of high school has something to do with it!! 

The reality of all of that just hit me and here I am bawling my eyes out as I type this. I am sure I will get over it but I find myself thinking about something I have heard many many times in the past. "Enjoy them now because soon they will be all grown up and you will miss it."

Ohh how true is this statement?!?! I mean I still have many years of the crazy chaos of young kids and I am already freakish out. Seriously though, where has the time gone? Where did the days of watching PB&J (who remembers this cartoon) and teaching Colten is ABC's go? I could swear this was just a few months ago. And all of a sudden here he is entering the crazy world of High School. Starting this new adventure, new chapter, of his life. In just 4 short years he will be off to college and out into the world and he won't need me anymore! Ugh!!! Such a horrible thought! 

And Katie is SO darn independent already that it isn't even funny! The other day she was mouthing off, being typical Katie, and I wanted to beat her but instead I grabbed her and gave her a hug. I realized then that she is getting too big. How long has it been since I have held her close and cuddled her like I do Waylon? It's so much more complicated when they get older and they are too "cool" to love on their Mommas! Later that day we were watching a movie and I was laying on the couch. She came and laid next to me and fell asleep. I didn't want to move. I just wanted to relish in the moment and remember back to when this was not such a big deal. 

Caden is the same way just not as bad... yet! I can still steal snuggle time from him occasionally and he isn't too shy about giving me hugs or kisses. I pray that doesn't go away too soon. 

I am not sure what my point is for this post. I know it's nonsense but with all the emotion I have swirling inside me right now I had to get it out. The theme for today has been "Making Memories". It's been everywhere from church to FB to music I have listened to today. Maybe it's Gods way of telling me that even though I feel like my lovelies are growing up to fast and that I am losing them that it's not really the case. I have many many memories that we have made with them and many many many more to come and that I need to focus on that instead of what I feel like I am losing. 

Easier said then done huh?! 

Well I guess I am gonna just have to "suck it up buttercup" and deal with it. I know that great things lie ahead for all of my children and I am excited for them! For the plan God has for their lives. I just gotta learn how to let go a little and know that they are not going to stay little forever no matter how much I want them to. 

Ill work on it. 

Hola...

YAWN!!!!! STREEEETCH! Yawn again as thoughts of how comfortable my bed must feel right now pass through my fuzzy head! I need coffee. A lot of coffee!

I am so tired this morning. Idealistically I would still be sleeping but with six kids running around I am pretty sure that isn't going to happen! 

I TRIED to go to sleep early last night. By early I mean 11ish. Yeah that didn't happen. Once again my tendency to procrastinate got the best of me and of course nothing went right when I finally got what needed to be done finished. After a few hours of panic, confusion, and frustration we (my mother in law and I) figured it out. I think by the time I finally climbed into bed it was somewhere around 2:30ish.

YAWN

I am actually kind of bummed out about it. I had planned on getting up early. By early I mean 6. This is the last week of vacation for the kids and I am trying to get them in school schedule mode. Also, classes start for me today and I wanted to get a jump start on that. But the biggest reason why I wanted to get up early is because today is the first day of the fall bible study that I joined through Hello Mornings. I am really excited about this study and actually wanted to get up and enjoy some alone time with the bible and God. Totally not the way I wanted it to go but I was only an hour late getting up and I did get what I needed to get done so that's a good thing right? Tomorrow is a new day and I am sure that by the time bed time rolls around I will be more then happy to climb into bed.

Life is about to get a little crazy around here. Yeah I know what your thinking...how much crazier can it get?! HAHA With school starting next week and baseball/softball for Colten and Katie on top of my classes, church, and whatever else falls into our laps it is bound to get interesting. I will try to keep ya up to date on how it's going. 

Wish us luck and pray for us! Me especially! LOL I can't believe that I am gonna have a Freshman, a 5th grader, and a Kindergartner this year! That's crazy and a whole other blog post lol.

Happy Monday friends!!!

Five Minute Friday: Small

Today's prompt is: Small

GO:

Small.....hmmmm. My mind goes to everything that is no longer small.

For example, my children. With my oldest going into high school this year comes a huge reality check for me. I worry about him. I worry about the struggles he will face and the challenges that he will over come. None of which will be small.

I wonder if I have done my job as a parent well enough to keep him from making the same mistakes...ugh I hate that phrase.... from following the same path as I did. I want him to be successful and happy and I want him to live big, not small!

We have been trying so hard to surround the kids in God. To dive in deep and grab a hold of the promises He has for us. To give them a good solid foundation to stand on when the are faced with the bad things in this world that are sure to be there...especially in high school.

Have we done a good enough job or were our efforts too small?

I guess, once again, I am forced to put everything in God's hands. Those are something that are NEVER to small! I know that the plan that He has for our lives, our futures, is going to be HUGE and I take comfort in that. I hold on to that...because I know that even if I fall short He wont!

STOP


I am linking up with Lisa-Jo and hundreds of other bloggers today for Five Minute Friday. Head on over to over check it out and join us!

Five Minute Friday: Story

Today's prompt is: Story

GO:

Everyone has a story. 

Some are good and some bad. Some are way too short and some are amazingly long. 

The life you live is your story. New chapters are always in the making. There is beauty and there is tragedy and all of that is what makes our stories unique. 

I think I have a great story and my goal for this blog is to share that with you all. As most of you that have read this blog before already know...it ain't always pretty! But I think that's the greatest part about it. You can see the bad stuff, read about it through these posts and then you can see how amazing God is and how He has picked me up and lead me to the good stuff.

That is what I want. I want you to see this. I want you to know that as unique as your story is there is always someone out there that can relate in some way or another. I know that I am not alone in my struggles, even though satan likes to try to convince me of this sometimes. My thought process is that someone will read my words and get something from my story. (even if it is just a laugh)

**Photo does not belong to me..I have no rights to it. Thank you Google image search!

STOP


It has been a couple of weeks since I have joined Lisa-Jo because life got a little hectic but I am back and boy have I missed it. Head on over to her site and check out what Five Minute Friday is all about, then join us!

Truths

I have a lot on my mind tonight and since my awesome husband passed out and left me talking to myself in the dark I figured this is the next best way to get it all out.**

A lot of stuff has been hitting on my heart lately. Stuff that I read or hear or see. Stuff that I know is not coming my way by coincidence. Nothing is ever a coincidence when God is at work! 

I know a lot of you have noticed a change in me. Some have made comments or asked questions. Some have blown it off or simply don't pay it much mind. And some of you expect it of me because you really know me. You know my story. 

For those of you that don't know let me give you a run down.... 

In April of 2010 Randy and I asked God back into our lives. We were broken and fragile and we had no other place to turn. All we had left was the shattered prices of our marriage and our mutual love for our children. We had been running from God and living in the world of sin for years and it had finally all caught up with us. One night during a heated argument I finally told Randy I was done. I could no longer keep going as we were. I was numb. So completely numb! 

That's a sad feeling you know. To be so lost and so messed up that you literally are incapable of feeling nothing!! 

It was that very feeling that had me looking for a way out. A way to pull myself up and out of this horrible life that was full of bad mistakes, angry words, hate, jealousy, revenge and sin. The only way I knew to so that was cut ties and move on. Start over. 

My initial plan didn't include God. It was only about me and how I knew I could be strong enough to do it on my own. I had faith in myself to be able to do this. It wasn't until my husband came to me and begged me  to try just one more time. To give US just one more chance. But this time instead of putting our faith in each other we would put it in God. We would allow Him to have full control of every aspect of our lives and if that didn't work, if that didn't make it better then he would give me the divorce that I wanted. But only after we honestly tried to do it Gods way first. 

That agreement, that promise, is what saved my marriage. Saved my life really. We did just what we vowed to do and we laid our whole ugly mess at Gods feet and asked him to fix what we had so badly broken. And He did! 

Within two months we were moved to another state, thriving on so little, and praising Him the whole way. We have had many up's and downs and veered of our path along the way. We have faced so much in the last 3 years and although it was very unstable at times we always made it through. 

We are in a very good spot right now. I thank God everyday for His grace and mercy that He has for us. I feel like He has planted us right where He wants us to be right now and He is working on surrounding us with people and things that will help us grow in Him. He has given us the tools to make this life the best that we can in a way that will honor and glorify Him and that is exactly what we intend to do.

Thank you to everyone who has acknowledged this change that our family has made and for supporting us in our journey. We are so glad to have such an amazing support system of friend and family. I don't know what I would do with out y'all!



**This post was originally started on Saturday night.

Burned Bridges...Charred or Slightly Singed?

This post has been awhile in the making but I never seem to find the words to express how I feel with out worrying about someone taking it the wrong way and being offended. Then a thought hit me.... If a person feels guilty enough to be bothered by something I write then perhaps this post was intended for them after all! Ill let you be the judge.

So I have been feeling agitated/upset about some stuff lately and I need to vent but I have been working on not letting my emotions overtake my words so I don't say something I will later regret. This proves to be a challenge for me sometimes because I am an emotional person and am known to express how I feel in the heat of the moment. This causes me to have regrets on how my point was delivered or how my words caused unneeded hurt to someone- usually someone I care about. 

Normally the pattern goes something like this: Get hurt/bothered/irrated/angry about something but don't say anything because you don't want the person who cause it to be upset. Stew over it.. I am very good at this. Even though I try to forget about it I never really can so its there stewing and brewing and waiting. Waiting for something little, something insignificant, to set me off and then BOOM! I explode and I say everything that I have been saying in my head for however long I have been stewing! It's ugly but it must come out! Then I move on to the feeling guilty phase and regret the way things happened. Maybe I shouldn't have said that, maybe I shouldn't have let them know they hurt me, maybe I over-reacted. Then I once again forget how I am feeling and be the bigger person and apologize! Who cares that the person on the receiving end did something to me that caused me to hurt and eventually lead to my freak out. I apologize because its the right thing to do! Because I care enough to. 

Well guess what! I don't want to do the "right" thing anymore. Who said it was the right thing anyways??!! (Yes, I am the one who said it but maybe I was wrong!)

What does all of this mean? Heck if I know I am just venting! It's not supposed to make sense. Right?!?

I guess my point is that I am tired of sacrificing my feelings to make sure everyone else's are spared. I am tired of putting my all into a friendship/relationship and getting nothing in return. I am tired of being the person someone goes to only when they need something or when they want to know something. I am tired of holding on when its pretty clear the other person(s) have already let go! 

Why waste my time waiting around for someone to make time for me? If I was important AT ALL they wouldn't have to fight so hard to find the time. They wouldn't have to find excuses why they don't call/text/come by. They would just do it because I am just as important to them as they are to me. I have to let go and just let it be! Stop worrying about it and stop letting it bother me so much! Easier said then done but I am working on it. 

I am finding that the realization that I am just not worth it hurts. But I am also realizing that its ok. That is them and this is me and its really ok. The hurt will heal eventually. I am happy and content in the direction my life is going right now. A little irritated by some stuff (obviously) but overall I am in a good place. God has great things in store for my family and I and I am relishing in His promises of what the future holds. I know that all of this is part of His plan and I know it will all work itself out in the end. I also know that everyone comes into your life for a reason no matter how short of long their stay is. I also know that eventually one of two things will happen. We will drift back together or we will cut ties completely. I guess the determining factor on how that plays out is based upon whether the bridge is charred or only slightly singed..... 

Five Minute Friday: In Between

Today's prompt is: In Between

GO:

Snuggled up close to my husband in bed trying to get some sleep before the chaos of tomorrow comes barreling at us once again, I hear the beginning of it...

He tosses and turns a few times and tries to settle himself. He sits up and begins searching for his favorite comfort... his nini. In my mommy brain I can visualize his moves perfectly. He will lay back down and rub his blanky against his face, again trying to seek comfort. I lay as still as I can silently praying that our littlest one will go back to sleep. Most of the time he will but last night wasn't one of those times. He cried and I went to him. I tried to calm him down but he kept saying "Daddy! Out!!" I am usually really good about sticking to my guns and making him stay in his own bed as I have learned from my previous 3 that is a hard habit to break! 

Last night was different. He needed me. He needed his daddy. He needed the comfort that being in between brings him. I scooped him and his beloved blanky up and carried him to my bed. Daddy rolled over and gave me the look. The one that says "once you start this it is not going to stop". I shake my head and tuck our little guy in snug as a bug. It only takes a few moments before his breathing levels out and he is fast asleep, comforted and safe in the in between.

There are times that we all need to be comforted like this. I, myself, find that even though I am in between a million things...school, projects, to-do lists, bible studies, friendships, housework, ect, and it should be crazy, it really isn't. It's something to relish, to take comfort in, to enjoy. It is something that I am learning to embrace and be thankful for. I am learning that this in between time is full of the anticipation of what is next. What does God have planned for us and how is it going to play out?

STOP 

Five minutes is NOT a long time to write but it is fun to see what my brain comes up with in that short amount of time. If you would like to learn more and give it a try link up with Lisa-Jo and hundreds of fellow bloggers for Five Minute Friday!

My Guy Graduates...Ahhh Bittersweet!

Why does it seem like just yesterday he was crawling into my lap to snuggle and watch cartoons with me?? How come it feels like I just blinked my eyes and he went from an adorable little chubby baby to the handsome young man that stands before me today??

My heart is fighting this battle between being proud of who he is becoming and sad because it's all happening too fast. 8th grade graduation, girlfriends, talking about how he can't wait to turn 15 so he can get a job and save for his first car, and making plans for college as well as back up plans for just in case the MLB don't take him has this mommas head spinning! I just want to put this into slow motion because I feel like I am missing it all! 

Words can not express how proud I am of this kid! He really is a great kid with a good head on his shoulders. He is witty and smart and funny! He has amazing taste in music (that he gets from his mother) and is the best big brother anyone could ask for. He only complains a little and is usually first to jump up and help out. He has dreams and ambitions and determination and as much as it kills me to see him growing up I know he is on the right path. I know he is going to be successful and happy in whatever he chooses to do in his adult life.

Congratulations Colten, on completing this chapter of your life and moving on to bigger and better ones. Your father and I could not be any more proud of you and consider it a privilege to be your parents! I love you with all of my heart Boo and I can't wait to see what the future and God has in store for you!

So proud of our boy!!

Cousins :)

Proud grandparents!!

Best friends for life!....(just missing Hondro) I love these boys!

Five Minute Friday: Rhythm

GO: 

Rhythm... 

I have to say that I am kinda in love with the rhythm of our lives right now. We are just coming off of this really big change (relocating back to Texas after a 10 month struggle in hell Arizona) and are getting settled into this new rhythm of things.

 This new life that really isn't new at all. 

Isn't that funny? How when we were here last time, in this same place with almost these exact same circumstances, we doubted that this was the place for us. We questioned God and His plan for us even though the rhythm had started feeling good, natural even. So He gave us the desires of our hearts....

Oh boy! If that wasn't proof enough that what we desire and what God wants for us are two very different things sometimes then I don't know what is. I rest assured though, that the experiences that we went through had reason behind them. As bad as it seemed then (and trust me it was bad at some points) were all part of Gods plan for us. To help us grow and learn and become stronger.  

Now here we are, not quite a month since we made the move back to the amazing state they call Texas and things are going well. This new rhythm was a little unsteady at first but is leveling off. We are jumping in head first and trying to dig deep for God and seek all that He has to offer us. We are happy and content and we feel blessed!

STOP

(Wow, that was totally random and not at all what I expected it to be! I love it!)


I am linking up with Lisa-Jo and an amazing community of fellow bloggers, as I do every Friday, to blog for five minutes straight on a given topic. Head on over and check out what Five Minute Friday is all about and join us!

Five Minute Friday: Listen

This weeks word is: Listen

GO:

Listen.... It's a word that I am constantly saying to my children. 

Listen to what I am telling you!! 

Did you just hear what I said? 

Why don't you listen to me??!!

I feel like I am on repeat sometimes. I swear that it goes in one ear and out the other and I lose count of how many times I repeat myself. If they would just stop and listen to me it woul save them a lot of time and a lot of unhappiness. 

I wonder if God feels like this with me sometimes? 

I am stubborn and hardheaded sometimes. (I wonder where my kids get it) Sometimes I insist on doing things my own way even though I am sure God is screaming at me to LISTEN! Just be still and listen!! 

I am working on this! It's been something that has been on my heart for awhile now. To just "be still and listen!". I feel like the ordeal that we have gone through over the last year is a prime example of this. If both my husband and I would have just stopped, would have just stood still, and listened perhaps we would have heard what He was trying to tell us! Instead of letting fear of the unknown or emotions control us we should have just listened and trusted in the path that God had us on. But like my children tend to do we let it go in one ear and out the other and look where that got us! 

I am also trying to listen more to my children. Be the person you want them to be, lead by example, right? I need to work on listening to them more and not tuning them out. This is a completely different blog topic that is currently in the works so stay tuned friends! 

STOP! 

I am linking up with Lisa-Jo and an amazing community of fellow bloggers, as I do every Friday, to blog for five minutes straight on a given topic. Head on over and check out what Five Minute Friday is all about and join us!

Five Minute Friday: Fall

Today's prompt word is FALL....
 

GO:

Once again my mind goes straight to music. This should be no surprise by now I reckon'. This time I think of Clay Walker and his amazingly accurate song FALL. This song is a favorite of mine because it reminds me of my husband and how amazing he is.... especially when I fall.

We all have those types of days. The days where you just want to throw your hands up and cry or go hide in a closet for a mommy time out. Not just from the craziness motherhood brings but because sometimes life just gets too hard, too heavy. We are only human and can only take so much.

The last year has been hard on me and as much as I hate to admit it I don't always handle stress well. Sometimes I break and I yell and I can be ugly. Unfortunately, most of this is aimed at the person that I am closest to, my husband. Wrong? Yes, it is very wrong and I feel horrible because of it. But he handles it so well. 

The past 6-12 months were really bad, as far as stress goes, for both of us. I can't even count the number of times that I lost it. Even though I knew he was carrying the same load as I was I couldn't help it. He was so amazing and was there to catch me EVERY SINGLE TIME. He did as much as he could to take the stress off of me and it honestly was more then I deserved. I can't express how thankful I am to him for being there. For staying positive and encouraging and supportive. For being the one person in this would world that understands me and my issues and still loves me unconditionally. I can't imagine my life with out him by my side and I pray to God I will never have to experience that! 

Thank you Cowboy, for always being there to catch me when I fall! I love you more then words can describe! 

STOP

 Today I am linking up with Lisa-Jo and the wonderful ladies for Five Minute Friday. Come join me and this awesome community of bloggers!

Hello Summer!!!!

I can NOT believe it is summer time already!! Seriously, where have the last 6 months gone? It seems like they have flown by in a blur.

With the hopes of keeping my sanity I am looking for stuff to keep the kids busy. Next week kicks off VBS at our church and that will keep us all occupied but for now I am struggling. I don't think it would be so hard if they were closer in age and all enjoyed the same things however at 14, 10, 5, and 1.5 its a challenge. As I mentioned in a the last post, any suggestions are welcome. 

Today we decided that it was a good day for slip and slide. Daddy just mowed the lawn and it was calling our name. The kids had a blast and I was able to sit in the grass and snap some of these pictures.

 

Katie was a pro and had to show the boys how it was done! She also discovered that she can practice sliding easy enough on here and that was enough to make me laugh! 

Caden, my born water dog, didn't get the concept that you had to run and slide. He sort of ran and flopped! Even so, he got the job done. He even stopped at the end a few times to sun bathe. Haha

It took Waylon a little bit to warm up to the water. For some reason he is hesitant around water but once he gets wet he loves it! 

"You expect me to get on that thing??!!"

Colten opted out of the water day to work out. He says, "I have to keep my endurance up for baseball!" He would eat, sleep, and breathe baseball if he could! I was able to snap a quick photo before he yelled at me! :-) 

They had a fun day and my plan worked amazingly. Waylon is down for a nap and the others are chilling out watching Life of Pi. All is calm in the Tipton household and this, my friends, is a rarity that I am relishing in!!  

Sunday Update: Welcome Home

What a week!! Lets talk about busy!! Yep that's me! Go, go go! I have come to realize a couple of things. 

1- I loath moving!!! LOATH IT! 

2- Unpacking and cleaning is impossible with 4 kids in the house!!

3- It's entertaining to see how a couple who has no kids react to living in a house with four of them for a week and a half! (Hehe)

4- My kids are getting SO big right before my eyes!! When did this happen!!! 

5- There is no better feeling then walking into church and feeling like finally, at last, you are home. 

As you know by now I am partial to lists. They make me happy happy happy! I will now elaborate on the above mentioned list. Haha (bare with me I am in a I-think-I-am-funny-tonight-so-you-should-too kinda mood)

Yes, as you all know we have moved a lot (what seems like a million times) in the last 4 years. I could not be anymore serious when I tell you that I am D.O.N.E! Like really just done with it! We have lived and learned. We have made mistakes and hastily rash decisions that we later regretted (haven't we all?). We have strayed from the path that God has put us on and for that we have all struggled. As individuals and as a family unit. We have seen what I hope is the worst of it and I am looking forward to things getting better. I feel like we are back on track and are headed in the right direction now and I thank God for that. I want roots. I want stability. I want to thrive and for my children to thrive where He has set us! And for goodness sake I never want to see a moving box again!!! 

Speaking of boxes, I am excited to say that 88% of our stuff is unpacked and put away. Talk about an accomplishment! Those of you with kids know exactly what I am talking about. You clean/organize one area only to turn around and realize that they have destroyed two other areas. I feel like a drill Sargent but if you don't keep at them the madness will over take you and you will lose the battle! Sad but true! 

I was fortunate enough to get to witness the chaos that is my house through a different point of view this past week. My brother and sister in law came with us to Texas and stayed until this morning. They have a ton of four legged fuzzy kids but they don't have any screaming, back talking, fighting with each other every chance they get, loud ones...yet! Haha I told Aubrey that by the time they left they would never want kids! It was funny to see the realization of just how crazy having 4 kids (5 if you count Randy) can be. To me it's normal everyday chaos that I have grown accustomed to. To them it's like they have stepped into a third world country filled with constant ear piercing noise! LOL They handled it pretty well and we were sad to see them go but perhaps now Jerrod will think twice before he tells me how sweet and innocent his niece and nephews are!!! 

Speaking of kids, it hit me today (Not literally) that they are getting SO big so fast! Colten volunteered at the baseball fields all weekend. He was so proud/happy because he was "working for free food" and it wasn't "really work cause its baseball". It made me think that in just a few years he will really be graduating high school and working for real and that just makes me sad to think about! 

Of course that also makes me think about Caden starting Kindergarten soon and all the fun that comes with that! (that is said sarcastically by the way) He is going to be a challenge and I pray I have prepared myself for that! But that in itself is sad. He is my little Cowboy and I am not sure if I want him to be a big boy and go to school yet. Guess it depends on the day haha! 

We can't forget about Mr. Waylon! This little guy has mastered SO much this week. He can tell you yes AND no when you ask him something. (Do you want milk? No. Juice? Yes) He is very smart for his age and when he doesn't like something he tells you about it. For example when Caden pushed him down he came to me with his pitiful cry and you bet he told me all about it. Yes, it was mostly just jibberish and pointing of his finger at the culprit but he got his point across! LOL gotta love it!

 Then you have Katie.. Oh sweet Katie.. Who is so excited about a upcoming mission trip that she will be joining the church on this month. In her words, "we get to tell people about God mom!!!" I love the enthusiasm she has for church and for God and I am so thankful that the church we go to has such an amazing youth program and youth leaders. Katie is one of the main reasons why we even tried this church to begin with (she had been going for awhile with her friend before we started) and I am so glad for it! 

Today was the first day that we attended since being back and I can not put into words how great it felt! As I was dropping the kids off someone said, "Welcome Home!" The words alone were enough to bring tears to my eyes and the sincerity behind them made it even more special. It still amazes me that both Randy and I feel so at home at this church, a church that we had only attended a handful of times before leaving last summer, then we have felt at any church we have ever attended! Ever! Now, I just have to get Waylon used to the nursery and all will be great! (Easier said then done huh!) :-)

It's all part of the plan, His plan, of this I am sure! I am so excited to see what the future holds for us, for the kids. I know its going to be wonderful and more then we could have imagined! 

Don't get me wrong, I miss the family we left behind in Arizona everyday. I know the kids do too and it hurts to think about what they are missing out on but I am confident that it will be ok. That it will all work out in the end. We had to make this decision for our family, the six of us, and I am thankful that, even though its not easy, they understand that and are supportive of us. 

Wow! I didn't intend for this to be so long. See what happens when I get started! Haha I hope y'all have a great week and if anyone has good tips on how to keep my clan busy for the summer I'd be happy to hear them! (Duct tape and the closet are not options either! lol

Good night y'all! 

Five Minute Friday: Imagine

I am a little late with this today. (Craziness of my life took over) But as I lay here tonight I feel the urge to write so let's see if we can get it in before Friday is officially over.

This weeks prompt word is: Imagine

GO:

The first thing that pops into my head is not what I can imagine but what I can't. 

I can't even begin to imagine how the people of Oklahoma feel right now. I can't imagine the fear or the sadness that must be overwhelming them as these tornados rip through their homes or the homes of loved ones. 

I can't imagine how if feels to be told that your mother or father, daughter or grandmother didn't make it through the storm. Or that young precious school children won't be going home to their parents because the tornado tore their school apart and they didn't make it. 

The hurt. The loss. The fear. The pure devastation that these people are facing is far beyond anything I can imagine. 

While I pray fiercely for those that are affected, not just in Oklahoma but all over, by these terrible storms, I also send up my thanks! I thank God for keeping my Okie family safe and for keeping his hands upon us here in our little part of Texas! For those that have lost their lives, God be with them! And for those who lost someone, may peace be with you. 

Finally, for those who are reading this please join me in praying for our fellow Americans who are facing or have faced the unimaginable. 

STOP.

Linking up with Lisa-Jo and the wonderful ladies for Five Minute Friday. Come join us! 

I Am Still Here!!!

I figured that since I have been MIA for a little while I should pop on over and let y'all know that I am still here.. Still alive!

So much has happened in the last two weeks and my head is still spinning from it all. Once I get some quiet time I will fill you in on all the awesome details but for now let me just give you a run down. 

My husband was blessed enough to get his old job back and we made the decision to move back to Texas, we found a house (via an amazing friend who was able to do our leg work) that allows the kids to stay in the districts they were in before we left, my oldest graduated 8th grade, we packed up the UHaul that day, my BFF flew in from TX to ride back with me, we said some hard goodbyes, we had a VERY long drive but finally got here, hubby started work and loves it, kids are doing well and are excited to be back, and finally, we are trying to get unpacked, settled, and into a routine! Slowly but surely!! 

WHEW!!! 

I told you it has been insanely busy but I promise to elaborate on all of it as soon a I can! Until then just know we are all here, happy, and healthy and we love you all bunches! 

Xoxo

Five Minute Friday: Song

Today's prompt word is:  SONG...


GO:
 

How amazing is it that Lisa-Jo seems to know exactly what word to pick to for the week that works so well with what I am feeling?! Amazing huh!?!

I relate to music even more then I do to writing (journaling)! I love the way a song can speak to my heart. How it can take all those feelings from inside my soul and pull them out and lay them raw and real on the table in front of me. The way that just a few lyrics can bring me to my knees or make me smile at the memories that they bring never cease to amaze me. If you were to scroll through my playlists and pick songs at random I would be able to tell you who, what, when, and/or where that reminds me of. I guess you can say that relate music to almost everything in my life.

For the last couple of weeks one song in particular has been haunting me. As we are just a day away from the one year anniversary of my grandma Betty's death it seems like every time I hear these words a knife stabs me in the heart! 

 Cause you went away,
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you

 Once again they speak the words that my heart is screaming. Once again I am pulled back to the horrible day when I received the call that told me she was gone. And every single time I am forced to face the reality that the pain will never really go away! 

STOP


  

 ****Every Friday I link up with Lisa-Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday. We write unedited for five minutes straight on a specific topic. Come join us!

What A Day!!!

WOW!!!!

 I did not think this day was ever going to come! It has been a work in progress and there have been many many many times that I didn't think I would make it through but here I am....alive and well and SUCCESSFUL! 

Yep I did it! I actually pulled it off and passed my Anatomy and Physiology class (Bio202) with a 73%!! Normally that grade would not be something I would be celebrating but today I am thankful for it! This has been THE HARDEST class I have even taken. I have worked very hard for that grade, studying for hours with an amazing group of girls, and I can honestly say that I gave it my all. I am proud of my C!

This has opened my eyes to the reality that lies before me. I have always known that the career path that I have chosen to take was not going to be easy but I have never doubted whether or not I could do it. Until recently! A close friend of mine who has worked her butt off for awhile now failed her 4th block in the nursing program. This is the first thing that had me stepping back and saying whoa! I have seen how hard she worked, what she has sacrificed, and heard how hard it is and the fact that she fell a little short scares the crap out of me. Then you add this class and what a struggle it was really has me wondering if I can do it. 

I am not the type to give up and that is NOT the direction I am leaning toward but all of this makes me think and as we all know that can be a dangerous thing. :-) All I know right now is I passed and i have to focus on that because that's all that matters. I also know that with out the advice from my friend and the 3 amazing girls that studied with me all semester I would not be as happy as I am right now! So thank you Jodi for being my go to person for advice and for helping me calm down during my many freak out moments. Many thanks to Crystal, Taylor, and Emily for helping me laugh through this semester and finding funny ways to memorize stuff. You crazy girls actually made studying fun and memorable and it was a pleasure to get to know each of you.

I also need to say thank you to my husband for putting up with me and my stressed out-moody-irritable-jerky-up-and-down attitude this semester. You have really stepped up and helped me get through this with minimal damages and I really can't tell you how much that means to me. I know I do a lousy job of showing it sometimes,especially when I am stressed out, but I am thankful for you and I love you very much! Another BIG thank you to my mother in law for watching my kids for me, when Bub couldn't, while I was at school. I know they are a handful and I know that even though you say you don't mind they still drive you nuts!!! 

Lastly, I have to thank my grandma Betty for being the driving force and at times the single reason why I haven't already thrown my hands up and said I am done! There have been a countless number of times that the thought has crossed my mind but I know you would be disappointed in me and the thought of that is something I can not bear. 

Now, with all that being said, I guess the only thing left to say is.......


HELLO SUMMER 2013!!!!!

Well for me anyways! HAHA the kids still have until next Wednesday! ;-)

Five Minute Friday- Comfort

Today's word is: Comfort


GO:


When I think of comfort I think of home. I think of when I was little, waking up to the sound of pots and pans banging around (my Nana didn't like us sleeping in and made sure we knew it was time to get up) and the smell of breakfast cooking.  Or lazy afternoons fishing on the canal bank with my grandparents.

I think of kissing owies and hurts for my little ones or having long conversations about whatever is on the minds of my older ones. I think of bedtime kisses, random hugs, and funny jokes shared. I enjoy these SO much and it brings me more comfort then it does them, I am sure.

I think of my husband wrapping his arms around me and allowing me to snuggle close and forget about the world when I am having a bad day. I breathe in deep the smell of his cologne and I feel secure. For just that moment I forget about whatever it is that is stressing me out.

The word comfort also makes me think about how hard it is to offer comfort to someone sometimes. Especially when you are the one responsible for their discomfort. This makes me feel sad and helpless. It's times like these when you don't know what to say or do and are so confused yourself  that you just want so badly to apologize, give them a big hug, and make it all go away.

Lastly, when I think of comfort I think of God. I think of the many ways that He brings me comfort everyday. I am human and I make many mistakes on a daily basis. I trip and fall so much I lose count. I am constantly losing patience and honestly sometime my faith. I question Him continuously of the how, who, when, and where's. But I find comfort in knowing that no matter how far I stray, how much I push away, how deep I wander or how much I doubt He will always be there leading me in the right direction. He is gracious and forgiving even when I don't deserve it....

That, my friends, is the ultimate comfort!



STOP!







 ****Every Friday I link up with Lisa-Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday. We write unedited for five minutes straight on a specific topic. Come join us!

A Tough Job

Being a parent is hard work!! Seriously, it's the toughest job anyone will ever have! All these little lives your responsible for causes a whole bunch of stress.

I guess the toughest part, for me anyways, is knowing whether or not your doing it right.

I think I am a pretty good mom. I care for my kids. I show them love and compassion and try to do everything I can to ensure that they are happy, healthy, and safe. Overall they are pretty good kids.

But what about the other stuff? You know what I am talking about! The BIG stuff. The life changing decisions that lie upon your shoulders. What happens when you get it wrong? Basically, how the heck are we supposed to know that the choices that we are making, or have made in the past, are not totally messing our kids up?! How are we supposed to know whether or not these huge decisions we are making are not going to have a negative impact on our kids?!?!

SEE what I mean! Parenting is hard!!!

I know this isn't a normal Sunday Update but its what is on my mind tonight so it's what you get.

Five Minute Friday: Brave

GO:

Brave. A small word with such a big impact. What does it mean to me?

The first thing that pops into my head when I hear the word brave is our military. I think of all the men and women who put their lives on the line on a daily basis for our freedom. I can't imagine the things they go through and see everyday. Being hundreds of miles away from their family at months at a time. Missing holidays and birthdays all for a society that is sometimes too selfish to realize what is really at risk. That's brave.

The second thing I think of is the family of those soldiers. They are pretty brave too. The wives that watch their husbands pack everything they can into a duffle bag and step onto a bus with no promise they they will return. The mother that watches her only child hug his father, who is feeling an overpowering mixture of pride and fear, and the turn to board the same bus knowing that there is no way she can keep him safe.

I know many people, both family and friends, who are/have been in various branches of the military. I have seen first hand how this affects their lives and how hard it is. I was there when a sweet little boy was born and his daddy was unable to be there due to his obligation to the Marines. I know how hard it was for both mom and dad to be apart during such a special time. It's just one of the many sacrifices made.

I pray that I never have to feel that fear or experience that sadness. However, should any of my children make the choice to join the military I hope that I can be as brave as they are choosing to be. I hope I a be as brave as those who have been before me.

STOP 

* I borrowed this photo from one of my close friends. It's her and her husband saying goodbye on the day he left for Iraq. If this isn't the definition of bravery I don't know what is.



I am linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday.

I'm Worn

This song has been my anthem for a the last few months. It makes me cry every time I hear it because the word just touch my heart. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. 

 

 

Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Our First Sunday Update.

I have this idea popping around this random brain of mine. I figured I would run it by y'all and see what you think. I am thinking of doing a weekly post every Sunday. A Sunday Update. Just a run down of how our week went. What do ya think? Sound interesting?

Good cause here we go...


Colten has been staying after school for tutoring for the last couple of weeks. His grades have been low due to him not turning stuff in or waiting until the last to do something and getting low grades. I know he can do better then D's and he has proven me right. He has brought up all of his grade except one!  I am so very proud of him!!

As you know baseball season has kicked off. The Bombers have not gotten off to a great start. They have yet to win a game but they are getting better with each game. I have to give them credit though, because most of the teams they are playing against are club teams (meaning they are GOOD). They had a game on Friday and they did amazing! Colten got 3 really good hits, had 3 RBI's and rocked center field! Unfortunately, they missed the big W by ONE point! They are really coming together as a team and working very hard and I know that they are gonna kick some butt next week!

Katie has been working hard all semester on her cheer routine. This weekend she had her regional competition and she was SO nervous! After tons of attitude, 2.5 hours of curling hair and doing make up and last minute jitters we finally made it to PHX. They did amazing! Katie went out there confident and ready and she did excellent! They worked very hard and placed 3rd. Katie was a little bummed out that she wouldn't be going back to compete in the state competition but we explained that it's not about winning or losing but giving it your all and being happy with it at the end. It's a lesson she will have to learn but I am confident that she will get it and use it to thrive.

Caden is doing well. He is growing like a weed and there doesn't seem to be a slow down in the near future. He has been a defiant little booger lately and I think that is because he is feeling a little left out. Between Colten and baseball and Katie and cheer and all the craziness that typically surrounds our family he has been slipping through the cracks and that makes me sad. So this week it's my goal to make Mr Caden feel extra special, as he should. Plans are still in the works but I do see a mommy, daddy, and Cade date night in our very near future. On a positive note he can be an amazing helper when he wants to be. He does a great job of keeping Waylon entertained while mommy does homework. I love hearing the giggles they share when they are getting along.

Waylon is growing like a weed as well. I swear he is WAY to smart for his own good. He is starting to talk more and more. He knows a few things in sign language like bite, please, thank you, your welcome, and his newest one that he learned this week is I love you. It's so cute when he does it. It's really funny when he is signing because I will tell him "Say thank you mommy" and he will sign thank you and say mommy. I need to learn more signs to teach him but I am sure by the time I do that he will be saying them. His current goal seems to be figuring out how to climb out of his crib. With the help of big brother Caden I am sure he will have it down in no time! Yay! (haha not!)

Randy has been doing well. This week started out slow and not so good, like much of his weeks have been in the last few months, but turned around by the end of it. I am not at liberty to discuss details just yet but I can say that things are looking up for my husband. For all of us really! He works so hard to provide for us and does an amazing job at doing so and I will just be happy when all that hard work pays off for him. :-)

As for me, well this week was not as bad as last week. I did very well on a lab exam that I took on Wednesday, getting my first 10/10! WOO HOO for me and God knows I needed it! I have been under a TON of stress lately and just down in the dumps but things are looking up! I just can't wait until school is over and I can breathe again. I also can't wait to see what the future hold for us.... it's gonna be exciting, I know it!

We have another busy week ahead of us but as always we will take it head on and have as much fun with it as we can. I ask you to pray for our family for strength and guidance. I hope y'all have a blessed week!

Five Minute Friday: Friend

GO:

What is a friend?

To me it is someone that is there for me. Who loves and supports me no matter what.

Someone I can laugh with.

Someone that will lend me a shoulder to cry on when I fail hold it all together.

Someone that can take one look at my face or hear my voice and will know immediately what mood I am in.

Someone who hold me accountable for my goals and strives to help me focus on them.

Someone that won't judge me....ever.

Someone that is truthful with me....always!

Someone that prays for me... Unselfishly.

Someone that I can count on.

Someone that loves my children and family as they do their own. (Yes this includes my husband lol)

Someone that will help me find my way when I have lost it. 

Someone that loves me for me and doesn't want to change that.

Most importantly, a friend is someone that allows me to do all these things for them as well!

Friends come and go but our TRUE friends never really go very far. 

I am so very thankful for my friends. I only have a couple of very close friends and with out them I would be a mess. I honestly don't want to think about how empty my life would be with our these special few.

STOP.

This is my very first time linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday and I am very excited to be apart of this.

Reality Check

I have so much on my mind right now and I just don't know what to do with it all?

Lately I have been so stressed and worried about everything. School, work, kids, choices and decisions for our future, the kids, dwelling on the past coulda shoulda wouldas, and just everything. When I say stressed I am not even slightly exaggerating. Like to the point that I think I am making myself sick. It rubs off on my family too. I know the kids feel and react to it as does Randy. I just don't know how to stop it. It seems like the more I try the worse it gets.

Last week was a very bad week. On top of the normal everyday stress I deal with I also had a HUGE exam due on Wednesday in my hardest class. I am not doing very good in that class anyways so I need all the help I can get. I decided to go to school early to meet up with my study group to cram last minute.

I had just arrived and I was sitting there talking my my lab partner. She lost her son a year ago when he got hit by a drunk driver. We were talking about how she handled the first anniversary and how she feels peaceful and not hateful. As we were talking I remember thinking here I am whining about taking this stupid test while she grieves the loss of her son. How selfish of me. We had been studying for about half an hour and my phone rang. This was the beginning of my very harsh reality check!

It was my sister in law, which was a little odd cause she usually just texts me unless its important. I answered the phone with mild concern but that quickly changed to flat out freaking out. She had just witnessed a mutual friend of ours, who happens to be the husband of one of my very close friends, lose control of his motorcycle, crash, and then get ran over by a van.

I am happy to report that, by a pure miracle and the simple fact that he was smart enough to wear his helmet, he walked away with a lot of really bad road rash but no broken bone or internal injuries. Someone was definitely watching over him.

It was definitely a scare and between that, what happened in Boston and then in West Texas this week it left me thinking. A lot. It could have been SO much worse. I could have it SO much worse. Then I started thinking about the what-ifs. From there my mind goes to what if it was Randy and what if he wasn't so lucky. What if it was something to do with the kids? What if it we had been spectators at that event? What if a place we were at just blew up? So many people were hurting, grieving the death of someone they loved, or had just lost everything and here I am complaining about a test and stressing about what my future holds. Really??!!

Then it just clicked! My reality check smacked me right in the face. Cold and hard and full of truth.

Here I am wasting valuable time stressing over things I have NO CONTROL over. Things that mean NOTHING if, God forbid, something were to happen to the most important things in my life. The health and happiness of my husband and my kids.

It could be so much worse. I could not have Randy. My kids could be unhealthy. We could be living on the streets homeless. We could be going to bed hungry every night.

But we are not.

And that's what I need to focus on.

I need to let the other stuff fall away and just be thankful for right now. For today. I need to start looking for the positive in my life and stop dwelling on the negative. I need to forgot about my past mistakes and move forward to a better tomorrow. So today isn't perfect and maybe some of the yesterdays weren't either. Maybe bad decisions and poor judgement has led me to the path that I stand upon today but it doesn't have to define me. I can use it and make something positive out of it. With that positive I can create hope and instill that into my family. I can control that! I can change how I look at things!

Someone once told me that you have to use all the bad things (actions, decisions, situations) as stepping stones. Use them to learn and grow from and work on making better decisions as you go. I believe this wholeheartedly... Now more then ever.

So I am going to work on it! I know it won't happen over night because let's face it I am human and bad habits are hard to break but I am determined to look at my situations, my life, and my future as not just negative. I am going to try very hard to find something positive in everything that I can. To be thankful more and complain less.