Hope

It's that time again! Yep, you know what I mean. It's time to join up with Kate Montaung and the girls over at Five Minute Friday and write for 5 minutes straight and unedited on a given topic/prompt word. This weeks word is HOPE. Let's see what I can do with it....


GO:

I am sitting here in my living room with my mother in law and my youngest son. Bubble Guppies is playing in the background despite the fact that it is almost midnight and long past our bedtime. Yes, it's summer but that's not the reason why I am being so lax in bedtime. The real reason is because Mewma and Papa leave in about 36 hours and I am trying to let the kids soak up every last minute they can with them before they go. The other kids passed out a while ago but for my littlest cowboy this has been a routine for the last month that we have been blessed to have them here. He cuddles close to Memaw and they watch cartoons until he falls asleep. Yes, I know it's going to take double that time to break this habit but since his grandparents live 1000 miles away I am willing to relent in order to give him some one on one time. 

I look at them and I feel both happy and sad. I love that he has found his own way to capture home grandma and me time and it overjoys me to see them together. It also breaks my heart because we they don't have unlimited access to Mewma and Papa. Knowing what they are missing out on breaks my heart. 

This is where my hope comes in. I hold on to the hope that one day God will bring my in laws closer. We all miss them and I desperately want my kids to have them around to make memories with. I hope and pray everyday that something will happen and they will be able to be closer. But I also know that God has a plan. A plan for our lives and a plan for my in laws lives. 

I need to hold on to the hope and promise that God offers me when He tells me He has a plan and it will be better than anything I could want or imagine for my kids and their relationship with their grandparents. Until then I will do my best to make every moment we are blessed to be around family ones that count. I also thank God for those people that he have put in our lives who we have adopted as parents/grandparents. One sweet smiling face of an amazing lady at our church who always has her arms open for a hug comes to mind right now. ☺️

God says He will always provide for our needs. He knows them better than we do and He will always give us exactly what we need. I trust in Him.... 

STOP

I hope that was readable. (Forgive me, it's late and I am emotional lol) If you would like to know more about Five Minute Friday and/or jump in and join us clink the link and set your timers! 

Five Minute Friday: Fear

It has been awhile since I have joined my fellow bloggers for Five Minute Friday due to the sheer fact that my life has been insanely crazy and busy. However, when I got the email notification with this weeks prompt word I knew I had to jump on this train. Here goes everything! 

Go: 

Fear. 

Such a strong word. 

A powerful emotion. 

As someone who struggles with anxiety every now and then I would say that fear and I are somewhat knowledgeable of each other. There is a laundry list of things I fear: 

Spiders

Small spaces

Deep water I can't see the bottom of

Something happening to my children

Being judged....by my peers

Losing someone who is close to me

Being a failure 

Hurting others

Being a bad mom

Getting hurt

Rejection

You see, there are many fears in my life. It's been just recently that I have come to acknowledge that I tend to let fear over take me and many of the situations I face in life. I have learned to succumb to it. This is something I am working on overcoming and I know that the only way to do that is to cast my fears upon the Lord. 

I know this is what I am supposed to do but for something that is so easy to say, it sure is hard to do, isn't it?

There is one particular situation in my life right now that I have been harboring fear for. A super important relationship that I fear has taken a very unexpected turn for the worse. I am flooded with guilt because I feel had it not been for my actions things would not be the way they are right now. BUT, yes there is a but, just when I am in the middle of a worry session about this particular friendship I always hear, from that still small voice, cast your fears upon Me. 

There is a reason for everything that happens in my life. It's all already written out for me. I just need to learn to not fear what comes next and just accept that what's meant to be will be. Even if that means I have to close one chapter of my life to start a new one. Even if that means that some of the people I want so badly to be with me during this next chapter are in fact not meant to be at all. That maybe God has something completely different lined up that will be a million times better than I could ever imagine. 

I am casting my fears upon Him and letting Him have full and complete control of not only this situation but of everything. Yes I may stumble and forget sometimes but I also know that my God is full of grace and will be there for me no matter how lost I get..... 

Stop.

I am absolutely positive that this will be a huge mess of mumble jumble that no one will understand unless you're in my head...(which only a few people have the privilege or curse of being) but that's the beauty of writing for five minutes straight on a given topic with out editing. If you would like to know more about how Five Minute Friday works head on over to Kate's blog and check it out. 

The Struggle is Real....

Is it Friday and, hopefully, by now y'all know what that means. Today's prompt word is: Real.


Go:


I hope you are ready for some randomness because anyone who knows me well or, who reads these posts, will be able to tell you that I am the epitome of random! For example, I opened this screen about an hour and a half ago with the intentions of busting my five minutes out and getting to some other things on my to do list. I started with the title "I'm Real". Well, that immediately reminded me of the song by J. Lo and of course I had to YouTube it. We know how dangerous YouTube can be, hence the reason I am returning here with absolutely no idea of where I was going with this post initially....Yep, totally random! So with that being said, other than a song from my past, I don't really have anything..... So let's talk about my life this week. 

I look back on my planner and it's so full but I don't feel like I really did anything. Nothing really productive anyways. Yes, we have baseball and softball practice, PTA duties and open house at the middle boys school, grocery shopping and helping a neighbor out. I was down with a massive migraine and felt like I was dying on Tuesday. Just our typical, crazy, beautiful routine. The highlight of my week is by far my Wednesday nights. This is the one night a week that I get to do something I really enjoy. 

You see, we have church on Wednesday nights and I help teach a preschool class. I love my Wednesday night kids (most are also my Sunday morning kids) and the teachers I work with. I love planning out our art project helping the kids create it. I love our song time and the funny moments that come with watching the teachers do all the movements that go with those songs. I love the nostalgic feeling I get when we sing a song that I was taught at their age. It's the one day of the week that seems easy for me. Where I don't have to stress about paying the bills, running kids everywhere, or the horrible mess my house is currently in. I just focus on the kids that are before me and helping them learn and grow in the Lord. Don't get me wrong, sometimes that's not an easy job. Sometimes it's quite hard in fact. However, the hugs and I love you's and the proud smiles they get when they have openly prayed for their snack for the first time makes it all worth it. It takes my mind off the real world for awhile and allows me to focus of the simpler things. I think that's what I love the most. 

I feel like I need to start focusing on those simple things outside of my Wednesday nights as well. I know the heavy stuff in life usually consumes us all but there has got to be a way to not let ourselves become so overwhelmed with it that we lose the focus on what is really important. The little things should be just as prominent as the big ones, right?

I know I am not the only one out here that feels this way. What do you do to savor the simple things in life? How do you keep from letting the heavy coat of responsibility overtake and consume the joy of the simple things? I would love to hear your feedback! 

Stop.

***As always, I am linking up with Kate Motaung and the others to write unedited for five minutes straight on a given prompt. To find out more visit this link: Five Minute Friday

Five Minute Friday: Plan

Once again the time has come to hook up with Kate Motaung and a great group of bloggers and write unedited for five minutes. This weeks prompt word is: PLAN. 

Go. 

Oh my goodness!!! Let me tell you how stinking excited I am about this weeks prompt word!!! Yes, God is defianately trying to tell me something.... 

Planning is one of my "happy" vises. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel like I am in control of something somewhere. I am not sure how to explain it adequately except to say that when I have a plan I feel better. 

Those who know me I am a planner. I like lists. I like to write it all down and I like to check it off. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. I also like to know what lies ahead of me and what to expect. If I have a plan then I don't have as much anxiety about the what-if's. That being said, I have found that most of the time my dearly beloved plans usually go out the window once thing get started. No matter how intentional I was when I planned it. 

This is, in part, my husbands fault. (Yes, I just went there. I totally laid the blame on a man who will probably never read this post and be able to defend himself. Oops!) You see, my amazing husband is the absolute opposite of me when it comes to planning. He is more of a fly by the seat of his pants type. If a thought pops into his head or a certain mood hits he doesn't think twice about breaking my ️said plans to go with the latter. (Yes, this does make us come off as pretty flakey people sometimes.) Over the years I realized that it's easier to just throw my plans out and follow his lead. It saves me a lot of time and definitely a lot of headache. 

Don't get me wrong, I am not the submissive type. It's hard to relinquish control sometimes and more often than not my stubborn streak comes out and, well, it's not pretty. But in the end I usually conceded and we do what he wants. I like peace. I just have to come to it the hard way I guess. 

I have also learned that my relationship with God is the same way. I make all these plans, jump in to all these commitments, thinking I know what's best for my life. After-all it is my life right? I know how I want to live it! I even wrote it down with pretty markers in my beloved planner so now it HAS to happen..Right?

Wrong!! Oh so very wrong! 

That's where I find myself in this stage of my life. Realizing that my thought process with what I am doing with my life may be wrong. My PLANS may not be what God wants to happen.

 I feel like in certain areas of my life I have been planning and trying really hard to make it work because it's what I want. It's what I have planned. I feel like God is doing exactly what my husband does to me. He is throwing a hand up and saying, "Nope, I think you should be doing this my way!"

WHAT?! No, God, that's not what I want to do! That's not what is written down. That is not what I planned! *insert pouty face, arms crossed, stubborn streak I mentionedabove here.* 

There are some key words in there. I and Planned. 

I say that I pray about things before I do them. I say that I want Gods blessing before jumping into something new. But do I really? Am I seeking whole heartedly what the Lord wants me to do? Or am I simply going through the motions of it and doing what I want anyway? 

These are the questions that have been really heavy on my heart for the last two weeks and to be quite honest with you friends, I don't like what the answer has been. 

I know that I need to really work paying more attention to His direction and less attention on fulfilling my wants and desires. I know I need to focus on listening to that still small voice even if the answer doesn't align with what I have already planned out. Because, despite my stubborn and sometimes selfish tendencies to live my life the way I see fit, I know that He already has my plan written down for me. And I know that His plan is far better than anything I could ever come up with on my own. 

Stop. 

If you would like to link up with us and share you five minutes click the link located above. Thanks for taking the time to experience a little bit of what's in my head. 

Love and Blessings, 

FMF: Gather

Yep, it's Friday!! Today's prompt word: GATHER.......

GO.

I have realized that I need to take a moment and gather my thoughts. As I sit here to write, pondering what this word means and how it pertains to my life, I become assaulted with a plethora of thoughts and directions where this can go. So many different things all at once just piling up in my head. I feel like I need to grab a notebook and a pen and take notes. Then another realization slams into my head:

Typical Amber, always overwhelmed with everything! Always too much of too many things. 

This is my life lately. I feel like I have so many different things going on and I am committed to so much that it is literally overtaking my life AND my brain! Between the kids stuff, school, hobbies, church, my little Thirty-One business, and the personal responsibilities of being a wife, mom, and homemaker, I lose count of what I am supposed to do and when! It seems like my brain is ALWAYS ON and never shuts down! I always have something to do and somewhere to be. It's overwhelming. 

Don't get me wrong. I know that I am not the only mother of four that has ever felt overwhelmed by her life and responsibilities. But lately I have been thinking and praying about ways to make it all work with out losing my mind. I thoroughly enjoy all the stuff I listed above and I want to continue to do them. I just don't want to feel like I am overwhelmed and drowning in it all. And I don't want to give up all the other important stuff like my quiet time with God and my bible. Or actually being PRESENT, body AND mind, with my children during our time together instead of thinking of the million little sticky notes on my desk or in my planner that hold all the things I am supposed to do. 

I need to gather all of these things that fill up my life and prioritize them! I need to find a good balance to make it all work the way it's supposed to. Most importantly I need to know my limits and say no when presented with yet another opportunity to stretch myself a little more. I need to accept that I have an obsessive personality and can easily become consumed with one thing which, in turn, throws everything else to the sidelines leaving me scrabbling to catch up. 

STOP.

Five minutes is just not long enough I tell ya!! I could have probably gone on for at least another half hour. (perfect example of being obsessive) HAHA

**If you would like to link up with the awesome group of bloggers and participate in Five Minute Friday's like I have just done or you simply want to see what it's all about, head on over to Kate Motaung blog and check it out! 

A Week Of Nothing....

All good things must come to an end, so they say. If I could have it my way I would announce that all things that are good should remain the same and last forever! 

This past week was SO good! My husband was on vacation and having him home was AWESOME! 

We did nothing! Absolutely nothing! And it was fabulous! I know he is ready to get back to work- that's just him, always has to do something- but I can't begin to explain to you how good it was to just have him here. 

Normally he works 60-70+ hours a week. As you could imagine those kind of work hours leave little time for him to be involved the way he would like to be. It stinks but we are all praying for the day when that can change. (And it will change! God has a plan, I am sure of it!) Until then we will have to make the most out of the time we do have. Just like we did this week. 

Normally "vacation" means going somewhere. Not this time. We just hung out all weekend but it was exactly what we needed. I think the best part was just having Randy here. His presence, and his help, is something I didn't even realize I missed so much until this week. Another thing I didn't realize is how much HE missed being here! 

God really opened my eyes this week. He showed me that it's not only us (the kids and I) that are missing out when Daddy works such long crazy hours. He is missing out too. I guess I have been too focused on all of the ways we are affected by it to really give much thought to how he feels about it. This realization makes me feel sad and selfish. I saw a joy that I didn't know was missing in my husbands eyes while he did the little things with the kids. The exact same little things I complain about having to do every single day! While I am complaining he is missing out. Such a sad thought. 

The kids also loved having him home. Katie insisted on dad picking her up everyday from school. Waylon and Caden were stuck to his side like glue and jumped at the opportunity to help out whenever the need arose. (Mommy was suddenly chopped liver! Haha) Even Colten, who is too cool for his parents these days, made more of an effort to be involved in family time. I loved it! 

I know that he has to work so hard to provide for us. I know that, as blissful as this week was, it can't always be like this. But I think we have both decided that we need to do whatever we can to find a better balance than what we have previously had. We need to nail down a reasonable budget and stick to it so we won't have to be so dependent upon his overtime to pay the bills. That way he isn't having to kill himself to make ends meet. We also need to make better use of the time we do have together. Save the arguments or "grown up issues" for another time and just be together with our focus on each other and the kids. I know it's easier said than done but we are really committed to trying. 

For now we are just going to focus on each other and cherish every moment we have. 

* I would love suggestions and tips on how you all make your household run smoothly. What are some ways you make time for your family? Please feel free to share in the comments section below. :-)

Jumping Back In

It's been awhile since I have joined the amazing community of bloggers over at Five Minute Friday. I forgot home much I have missed it and I am excited to jump back in here.  Today's word is OPEN. Let's see what I can come up with for that....

When I think of the word OPEN the first thing that I think of is a store or a place of business. My mind wanders to a funny moment of me sitting in my car outside of Michael's waiting for them open. Yes, I am that addicted to my hobby. Haha (more about that in a future post) I am absolutely picturing the lady with her face squished against the glass while she taps on the window saying, "Open, open, open!" Yeah, that's the first place my mind goes when I here our prompt word. 

I am telling ya friends, my brain is the epitome of random! 

However, once I let myself ponder on it for a few, "open" takes on a deeper meaning for me. It makes me think about how I need to be more open to change. I need to be more accepting and embrace the changes that need to happen in my life and stop fighting them. To pinpoint it even more, I need to be more open to what God has planned for me.

Why does it seem like I have to do everything the hard way? My way? It isn't until I look back that I realize if I had just relinquished control and allowed God to work in my life that I would have saved myself a whole lot of trouble. It's my instinct to immediately go into panic mode and try to "figure out" what to do and how to fix whatever mess has presented itself to me at the moment. I don't want it to be that way. I want to be able to stay calm and trust that God is working on it. Trust that He has a plan and that He is in control. 

The last couple months I have felt overwhelmed by the things that have been happening in my life and with my children. I have felt beat down and at some points completely broken. It has been one thing after another consistently for the last two months. I don't even want to answer my phone anymore because I don't want to hear the bad news on the other end! I just want to scream "why God? How do I fix this? How do I make it all go away or get better?"

I can't. 

I have tried doing it alone, my way. I really have. Once again, I am failing at doing it alone. I think the lesson in all of this is I CAN NOT DO IT ALONE! 

I need to open my heart and my mind and LISTEN to God. I need to pray harder for guidance and wisdom. I need to open my bible and emerse myself in His Word to find the answers I need. To find the peace that I have been seeking. It's there. I just have to receive it. 

I know I am not alone. Have you been struggling lately? How have you been handling it? I would love to hear from you.



*If you would like to join Kate Motaung and the rest of us every Friday to write unedited for five minutes or you would just like to know more about how it works follow this link: Five Minute Friday

Falling In Love With The Simple Things.

Today was nice. 

Despite the throbbing that has been consistently happening in my head and the rush to get last minute paperwork done, it was a pretty good day. 

After dropping all the kids off at school I came home to not one but two smiling sleepy eyed boys in my bed! Randy has the week off and I honestly can't tell you how nice it has been to just do nothing! Or how it warms my heart to see Mr Waylon cuddled up to his daddy on a cold morning watching Paw Patrol. Ahh, it's the simple things I tell ya. 

We went exploring thrift stores in Denton just for the fun of it. Way had a blast and even found some treasurers along the way. After that we stopped at TSC and I seriously had to fight the urge to walk out of that place leaving all of these adorable little guys behind... 

 

Do you even KNOW how hard that was?!?! I mean, who in their right mind can resist adorable little duckies and chickies? I was this close to filling Randy's truck full of chirping cuteness when Waylon brought me back to reality. "Diesel can play with them like he does the squirrels Mommy!" 

Um, yeah, let's hold off on this adventure until we buy a place with a little more space for a coop and a SEPERATE space for Diesel. Mommy isn't too sure those cute little yellow things can run as fast as the squirrels and, well, last time Diesel got a squirrel to stop long enough to "play" it didn't turn out so well. 😁 No worries, crisis adverted.  (Disclaimer: No baby chicks or ducks were hurt during this temporary lapse in judgement brought on by my love for anything small and cuddly.)

We rounded up the other kids when it was time and just kind of hing out for the rest of the night. Cadens practice was cancelled due to the quick bout of rain we had so there was no real demand to be here or there at any certain time. It was very relaxing. 

I know this is the calm before the storm though. In a few weeks baseball/softball will kick off and I'll be on the run again. It was just so nice having daddy home and available for a change. Normally he is working like crazy. We are praying super hard for whatever it is that God has planned for us in the future that will make this more of a regular thing. We love it. 

God knows our needs and He knows our hearts. He will works everything out and we will be blown away at how He makes all of it come to be even better than we could have ever imagined! I just have to work on waiting patiently for it to happen!

Until then I am going to focus on the little things. The small, simple moments that make such a huge impact on all of us. I am going to capture those and hold them tight. I am going to relish in them and thank God every step of the way! 

I Miss You

I hate that it has been so long since I have posted something. It's not like I don't think about it. In fact, I feel like that's my problem. I over think it. What do I write? How much do I disclose?What will my "audience" think of what I say? What if I don't portray myself as a self respectful Christian woman that I am? 

I am sure that if I were to just open my heart and spill it out before you, y'all would think I am insane. (Haha Maybe I am.) But the thing is, that's exactly what I created this blog for. Just my random thoughts and feelings. A place I can go to release the stress of the day in a way that I love. Through writing. 

Who cares if it makes sense? 

Who cares if you don't agree with what I say?

Who cares if I am not politically correct or if I say something that you don't like? 

 

This is MY place. This is MY thing. And I am not going to continue to avoid posting whatever I feel like posting becaue I am worried about how someone my interpret it or what they will think of me after reading a post. 

I am going to go back to the way I used to do it. Back to the Five Minute Friday style of writing. Unedited, free writing. 

Ohhhh yeah, I have missed doing this! 

I have been writing but not hitting publish. Not anymore. Hang on y'all, this might get crazy! (Haha just kidding! If anything it may not make any sense, but at least I am getting it out....right?) 

New Year, New Me? Probably Not!

Well Hello 2015!!! 

Wow, remember when we were just kids and the thought of 2015 gave us images of some far away futuristic land where our cars had auto-pilot and robots did all of our chores? With the way technology is advancing I am pretty sure those things are not so far fetched anymore but for now, well for now we are content with iPhones the size of a book and selfies. 

Still a lot has changed, as life typically does. 2014 flew by in a blur of busy chaos that still leaves me dizzy. We made it though. We are all here and accounted for. Healthy and for the most part happy. But, with every new year comes the need for change. It's ineveitable. As much as I don't like it and as much as I make fun of everyone who does it, I find myself doing it too. 

You know what I am talking about, I know you do! 

Resolutions. Goals. Aspirations. The whole out with the old, in with the new mindset. New year, new me right? 

Wrong!! 

It just doesn't work that way. Just because we flipped the calendar does not mean we can just stop being who we were yesterday. We are not all going to miraculously stop pigging out on junk food because it's January and we have a fresh start!! (I seriously didn't even make it an hour before I killed that goal! Haha!) 

We do it with good intentions though. I mean, I honestly WANT to lose 40+ pound this year, read more, blog more, exercise more, spend less. I really WANT to stop yelling at my kids so much (because it feels like that's all I do) and try listening more. I WANT to take the time to enjoy the little things and stop letting life get so out of control. Realistically though, if I REALLY wanted to do any of those things, I wouldn't have had to wait until January first before setting a goal and working to achieve it. 

Don't get me wrong, I completely understand the desire to make New Years resolutions. It's a clean slate. It's a chance to forget about all the ups and downs and past failures of the last year and work to make the new, upcoming year a great one. I totally get that but if you're like me, it never really works out well. What I am trying to get at is this: 

Instead of doing really good for a week or two and then stumbling a little and giving up completely,why don't we make it easier on ourselves and it try a different way? What if we altered our whole outlook on the "New Year, New Me" thing? Take some of the immediate pressure off and stop being so hard on ourselves! How you ask? It's simple really. 

Just take one day at a time. 

Whoa! Did I really just say that?! Yes, yes I did! You see, I have realized that I don't do well with long term goals. I am what some may call impatient. I want to see results right away. I despise having to wait very long for anything. In turn, by setting long term goals for myself all I am really doing is setting myself up for failure. If I don't see results or if I run into some snags along the way I tend to shut down and give up. It took me a loooong time to figure this out but I think I am on to something here. 

Baby steps. I think thats the key or at least it's the key I am going to try! 

What do you think? Do you think I am on to something here or just off my rocker and babbling at 2:30am? 

I hope that, whatever way you choose to uphold your New Years resolutions, you are successful and that your year is full of wonderful memories and many blessings.   It is my intention to work harder at keeping this little blog up to date on my progress. I would love nothing more than to hear how you are doing as well so come visit me often and let me know how things are going for you. 

Until then, love and prayers,