Monday, October 21, 2013

Fear...such an ugly word!

"Fear does not come from God huh mom? Fear comes from satan. And by being afraid it's kinda like we are letting satan win, right?"

These are my 10 year old daughters words. She was referring to her struggle with staying in her bed all night due to being scared but the impact of these words hit so close to home for me that it was like God was speaking right to me. She is one hundred percent correct. Fear is not from God. Why does it take hearing this from my daughter to get it to finally sink in? 

Our conversation progressed that day and she came to the conclusion that she was not going to let satan win anymore. She was going to believe that God would not let anything happen to her and she was going to stay in her bed all night long. She is currently working on that and is making progress but she still ends up in my floor sometimes. I think the main thing is that she is trying. She is taking a stand against her fear and she is trusting God to help her through it! It inspires me to let go some of my fear too. 

A couple of days ago I asked a close friend of mine why she thinks I have procrastinated in switching colleges from my AZ college to a local college here in TX. The conversation changed before I could get a solid reason from her but in truth, I think I already knew. 

I am scared. I don't like change! I find a groove and I slip into it and even though I need the change, even though I want the change I hesitate because fear consumes me and I start playing the what-if game. What if it's harder out here, what if I can't find a sitter for Waylon, what if I end up failing and not reaching my ultimate goal?

Another situation has recently brought back old fears of mine. Fears of rejection. I have this urge to get to know a part of my family that until recently I knew very little about. I have always longed to know more and now that the oppertunity has presented itself again I get slammed with more what-ifs. What is they hate me? What if some of them don't accept me? What if it's too late? 

And then Katie's sweet words fill my head "Fear is not from God!" and I feel nothing but guilt and anger for allowing satan to control me like that! You see I too have learned a few things and I KNOW that without a doubt the harder satan pushes me away from something the better it's going to be when I push right back and shut him down! I am reminded that God already knows the outcome of all of this and that He will not ever let me down!!! As long as I hold on to my faith and allow Him to work in my life then I have nothing to fear! 

I refuse to let satan win by allowing fear to keep me from doing something!! Today I called NCTC and got stuff sorted out to meet with an advisor. I have also made the decision to take this new situation and these new people that are coming into my life and embrace them. I am going to set my fear aside and trust in Gods timing and not ask questions like what-if or why! There is a reason for everything and Gods timing is always spot on. I will no longer doubt that!! 

I am in awe that God can use a conversation from over a month ago and the words of a child to open my eyes! I am so thankful for all the things that He is doing in mine and my family's life and I just felt the need to shout about it!! 

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