Tonight I am laying in my amazingly comfortable bed, snuggled close to my husband, with most of our belongings scattered in boxes through out our new home. Tonight my eyes are filled with tears as I blog this but it's not from sadness. My tears are because I am happy and I am thankful and I am amazed.
The last three months have been a challenge for me! I have struggled so much. I have pleaded with God, asking why he would do this to me! Why would you bring me back to here. To this place where I feel like we have hit rock bottom....again??!! What's the point? What is the lesson that you want me to learn? I had become angry and bitter and mean (mostly to my husband because unfortunately, as the one closest to me, he becomes my verbal punching bag). I honestly had given up.
So much had changed. Jobs were promised but fell through which led to my plans of being out on our own falling through. (gotta have money to do that!) I almost lost my financial aid for school due to my lack of enthusiasm and my terrible habit of procrastinating which led to bad grades and an appeal process that took FOREVER! Nothing was going the way WE had planned it to go. NOTHING.
Randy stayed positive. He drove me crazy because he refused to panic with me. He just kept pointing out the positive and saying "it could be worse!" REALLY??!! Seriously?! Ugh I am telling you this man drives me crazy. He doesn't even know how to be negative with me!! :-) Funny how that works out. I freak out he is calm. I am calm he freaks out. We just work that way. Never on the same page haha.
Anyways, he stayed calm. Took a job making significantly less then he had been making in Texas and what he was supposed to be making here. My hopes of getting out on our own and being independent again were dashed. I saw no hope. No light. Just darkness. But Randy kept saying it would all work out. HOW??!! "Who knows! But it always does so it will!" Turns out my husband knows what he is talking about every once in awhile. (If you tell him I admitted that I will deny it!!!)
Things are ok. Of course money is extremely tight but our bills are paid, we have food on the table (well once we get a table there will be food on it haha) and we are happy and healthy. What more could I ask for?
My heart isn't as broken as it was three months ago. I am slowly putting it back together. Some big chunks are still missing but I am working on it. God is working on it too and knowing that makes me smile. Although I will never know what are future holds I am comforted by the fact that He does and that it will always work out! God has proven that again and again.
The house is quiet. All the kids are sleeping comfortably in their own beds, and I am laying here relishing in the amazing feeling of being home and I am still very hopeful for what our future holds.
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