Friday, September 28, 2012

Faith, Friendship, Fun-Part 2

I am currently laying in a hotel room bed thinking that I was doing this exact same thing last Friday night. Only I was 1000 miles away and I was with one of my best friends and not my husband.

Anyways, back to last weekend and Women of Faith.

Ken Davis was only one of a few we listened to on Friday night. We heard awesome stories. Real true life things that have happened and how God has prevailed. I remember sitting there thinking 'This is what I need. This is what my heart has been craving!' As we left to head back to the hotel I had a lot on my mind.

Our car ride back did a good job of taking those thoughts away for awhile. I have never had so much fun or laughed so hard on a short ride like that in all of my life. Anyone who says God loving, church going women don't know how to have fun has obviously never been packed into a small SUV with 6 of them! It was a great way to wrap up the night.

Kim and I found ourselves back in our room pigging out on girl scout cookies, pop corn, beef jerky, and Dr Pepper all while watching some crazy scary movie and laughing. It was the best sleep over I have had since I was 10. There is just something about hanging out with your friends that feeds your soul and lifts your spirit. I totally needed that! I have told her that it meant so much to me but I don't think she gets just how much I truly mean it.

Saturday morning we had a great breakfast and then headed back to WOF. I was very excited for the day and for what God had in store for us.

We heard Angie Smith speak and her story was amazing and overwhelming at the same time. I admire her strength as well as anyone who has been in a similar situation. I don't think I would ever be strong enough to handle something like that and I pray I never have too. (For those of you that don't know her story, google her name)

There were other speakers as well as Selah who performed. It was AWESOME!! Although all the stories were different there was a general theme. This is what I got from it:

People are broken. Every single one of us, in some way, are broken. Whatever is going on in our lives can be fixed. It's ALL part of His plan for us. And most importantly, IT'S GOING TO BE OK!

This hit my heart like a jack hammer. For the last 3 months I have been focusing on the brokenness that has been surrounding me. I have let it eat at me and drag me down. I have succumbed to the fact that it will never be what I think it needs to be. But IT'S OKAY!! It's not supposed to be my way. It's not supposed to work out the way I have planned it to. It's not MY job to have control. I need to stop working against God and let Him take the lead. I need to pull my husband in toward me and not push him away out of anger of the situation. God has plans for our family and although it seems dark and broken now it won't be for long because He is my light! He is the master of fixing all things broken!!!

Going into this weekend I was focusing on spending some much needed girl time with my friend. I was excited about Women of Faith but never expected to get so much out of it! I never thought about how it would impact my life. But it did. It really truly did.

After WOF ended we headed back to Kim's house for a yummy fajita dinner. Those thoughts I had been trying to push to the back of my mind were creeping slowly up. It was getting harder to ignore the fact that my time with my friend and her family, people who have become an extended part of my own family, was coming to a end. As I was making sure I had everything and that it was all ready to go when I felt the dread of saying goodbye start to fill my heart. I hate goodbyes.

The ride to the airport was way to fast and before I knew it we were at the curb where I had to get out. My brain was screaming, "Get out and go quickly! DON'T CRY AMBER!" I quickly hugged Kim and got out. I had to open the back door to hug Kennedy and tell her goodbye. "Stay strong for her Amber! You have to stay strong!!" I didn't dare look back. I think I barely made it inside to the escalator before the tears came. I am sure the people at DFW thought I was a crazy woman as I checked in and got my boarding pass. I made my way to the bathroom to compose myself, with little luck. I finally found my gate and found a corner to hide in so I could be sort of away from the crowd.

My heart hurt. Everything inside me wanted to grab my bags and run back to Kim's car. I reminded myself several times "There is a plan! God knows what he is doing. Oh God help. I can't breathe! This is home. This is where we belong. Why is this happening?!"
I was angry. At Randy. At myself. At God. I couldn't see the plan. I STILL don't see the plan. But I have faith that somewhere in all of this mess there is going to be something good. Something that only God could create. There will be lessons learned and I will be a better person because of it. I have to remind myself of this several times a day. I still doubt. I am human and I am flawed but that doesn't matter. What is important is that I have that faith. I KNOW God has great things planned for our life. I will probably always struggle with this but amazingly our God is a patient God and He will help me through whatever is ahead of us.

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