Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Quiet moments

As I sit here in the dark rocking my littlest cowboy, Waylon, I have realized something....

It's quiet. No tv, no screaming kids, no adults trying to talk over kids, no crying or fighting over a broken or stolen toy. Just pure quiet. Oh how I have missed that sound.

Things have been insanely crazy. Semi-controlled chaos. It makes me miss my sometimes lonely, sometimes too quiet, different type of crazy home back in Texas.

Yep I said it. I miss Texas!

Maybe it's because I had doubts coming out here. Or because things are not panning out the way they were supposed to. Maybe it is just because things are crazy right now. Or maybe, just maybe it's cause Texas is where we are supposed to be?

I know I know, total bomb shell but hear me out.

We prayed very hard on whether or not we were supposed to come back to AZ. (you know this from previous posts) While I had my hesitations I felt I was supposed to trust in my husband to make the decision for our family and support him 100%. I felt very strongly about this. He felt very strongly that our time was up in Texas and it was time to go home. (to AZ)

So if we are both feeling this then why after only 2 months do we both feel like this move was a HUGE mistake? Maybe this isn't what God wanted us to do. Maybe it's what WE wanted. Maybe it is Gods way of showing us that what we yearned for for two years really isn't what we wanted. Perhaps this was Gods way of showing us that we are not the people we were when we left here but this place hasn't changed like we have. Maybe we needed to see that and let it fall away so we could live happily with no doubts in Texas.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Maybe things will get better with time. I am not sure of what our future holds but I do know that I am tired of being stressed and worrying about it! I am tired of analyzing every option, or lack there of.

I surrender!!! White flag is waving. I am done! From now on I am going to give it all over to someone who already knows what's going to happen.

I do know that I have this ache in my heart for Texas. Much like the ache I had for Arizona. I want to go home. :-(
Unfortunately that is not an option for us right now. So we shall wait. Wait and see if things get better or if God gives us a way out.

Until we can figure out what God has in store for us I will continue to take it day by day. I will be thankful for what I have and make the best of the situation. I know that there is a lesson to be learned here and I know it will make us better by learning it.

For now I will be content with these quiet moments of peace and use them to give thanks for what God is doing in my life.


  1. Wait.. You guys moved back home? lol where have i been??

  2. Yeah!!! Where have you been??!! Lol