Friday, July 13, 2012

Goodbye y'all :'(

It's one o'clock in the morning and I am laying here in the dark listening to the quiet. My mind is racing over the past few months and I find myself asking the age old question: How the heck did we get here??!!??

The last two nights have been absolutely heartbreaking for us. They have been filled with goodbyes and hugs and tears and promises to stay close and in touch. It has been almost too much to bare.

Our bags are packed, the U-haul is loaded, and in 2 short hours we will be on our way. Yes, the time has come for our family to say goodbye to Texas and return to the place that has been tugging at our hearts for the last 2 years. We are going home to Arizona.

Two years ago when we made the decision to leave there we had at least a dozen reasons why we had to get out. Most of them very valid, some of them a little over the top, and a couple that were just excuses. None the less we felt very strongly that Texas is where God wanted our little family of 5. We packed all we could into a truck and stepped out in faith to very unfamiliar territory. I thought we were crazy but God had plans for us.

He changed our lives by bringing us here. This place changed everything about us. It brought us closer together. It healed past hurts. It taught us how to be better parents. It showed us that if we stick together and always lean on each other and God we will make it through anything. These are very important lessons that we needed to learn and I honestly feel like we would have never been able to learn them had we stayed where we were.

So why the change? If Texas is so great then why leave? I think Colten answered that question the best when I asked him a couple weeks ago if he had the choice to stay here in Texas or go home to Arizona what would he choose? His answer: "I like Texas mom. I am comfortable here but my heart is in Arizona!"

That is EXACTLY the reason! Our hearts are, have always been, in Arizona. Texas is amazing. Beautiful and green with amazing schools and good people (just stupid drivers!) and while we adjusted and became comfortable being here it has never been home.

When Randy came to me and asked me what I thought about moving back I freaked out! Was he crazy??!! Why on earth would we do that? Yeah things had been going crappy with his job. Changes were happening and most of them were not good but was it really a good reason to move? We prayed. Very similar to the way we did when making the decision to come here we asked God to show us the way. Give us direction. More changes happened more prayers went up and some doors opened. Fast forward a few weeks and here we are.

I believe with everything in my that God brought us here to make us strong. To provide us with the tools we need to thrive back home. He healed us and made us whole again. Now he wants us to take it back and shine for Him! That very thing is what is getting me through this. My mind is screaming NOOO! Don't go! But my heart, although its heavy with the sadness of
saying goodbye, is saying This is right.

I have met some amazing people here. One person in particular, who came to me when I was at a very low time in my life. I was fighting really hard with the sadness and loneliness of being away from everything and everyone I had ever known. God brought her to me to give me a little sunshine. She has become one of my best friends and I am very confident that she will be a part of my life for a very very long time. (I love you Kim!)

God also brought some other very important people here to Texas for me. My Aunt and my other best friend Lyndsay. These three women have been responsible for keeping me sane. For showing me love, joy, and happiness. (And for driving me a little crazy too lol) I don't know what I am going to do with out them and their kids and that's the heart breaking part. I think I took for granted the time I had with them. :'(

As we were saying our goodbyes and the tears were flowing I asked God why? Why God? Why does it hurt so bad but at the same time feel like its the right thing to do?

My answer came in the form of a bible verse. One that has become a staple for our family. One that, just 5 weeks ago, (before the decision had been made to move) my daughter kept bringing to my attention. One that has slapped me in the face so many times in the last few weeks that it isn't funny.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

It's not His intention to harm us or make us hurt but to make it BETTER! To give us HOPE AND A FUTURE! That is all the reason I need!!!

Some of the other positive things about going home are the Mexican food, my mountain, family, clearance shopping (Love you mom!), long talks over great coffee (be ready Brandie) and camping on the rim!!!

So for now we will say goodbye Texas. It was fun while it lasted! We will visit often! :-) Thank you for giving us some great friends and of course Waylon! We shall take these friendships, lessons learned and this little Texas cowboy of ours and head off into the sunset......

Well technically it's still dark out but eventually we will be heading into the sunrise..... I think.....Right?? ;-)

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