A Week Of Nothing....

All good things must come to an end, so they say. If I could have it my way I would announce that all things that are good should remain the same and last forever! 

This past week was SO good! My husband was on vacation and having him home was AWESOME! 

We did nothing! Absolutely nothing! And it was fabulous! I know he is ready to get back to work- that's just him, always has to do something- but I can't begin to explain to you how good it was to just have him here. 

Normally he works 60-70+ hours a week. As you could imagine those kind of work hours leave little time for him to be involved the way he would like to be. It stinks but we are all praying for the day when that can change. (And it will change! God has a plan, I am sure of it!) Until then we will have to make the most out of the time we do have. Just like we did this week. 

Normally "vacation" means going somewhere. Not this time. We just hung out all weekend but it was exactly what we needed. I think the best part was just having Randy here. His presence, and his help, is something I didn't even realize I missed so much until this week. Another thing I didn't realize is how much HE missed being here! 

God really opened my eyes this week. He showed me that it's not only us (the kids and I) that are missing out when Daddy works such long crazy hours. He is missing out too. I guess I have been too focused on all of the ways we are affected by it to really give much thought to how he feels about it. This realization makes me feel sad and selfish. I saw a joy that I didn't know was missing in my husbands eyes while he did the little things with the kids. The exact same little things I complain about having to do every single day! While I am complaining he is missing out. Such a sad thought. 

The kids also loved having him home. Katie insisted on dad picking her up everyday from school. Waylon and Caden were stuck to his side like glue and jumped at the opportunity to help out whenever the need arose. (Mommy was suddenly chopped liver! Haha) Even Colten, who is too cool for his parents these days, made more of an effort to be involved in family time. I loved it! 

I know that he has to work so hard to provide for us. I know that, as blissful as this week was, it can't always be like this. But I think we have both decided that we need to do whatever we can to find a better balance than what we have previously had. We need to nail down a reasonable budget and stick to it so we won't have to be so dependent upon his overtime to pay the bills. That way he isn't having to kill himself to make ends meet. We also need to make better use of the time we do have together. Save the arguments or "grown up issues" for another time and just be together with our focus on each other and the kids. I know it's easier said than done but we are really committed to trying. 

For now we are just going to focus on each other and cherish every moment we have. 

* I would love suggestions and tips on how you all make your household run smoothly. What are some ways you make time for your family? Please feel free to share in the comments section below. :-)

Jumping Back In

It's been awhile since I have joined the amazing community of bloggers over at Five Minute Friday. I forgot home much I have missed it and I am excited to jump back in here.  Today's word is OPEN. Let's see what I can come up with for that....

When I think of the word OPEN the first thing that I think of is a store or a place of business. My mind wanders to a funny moment of me sitting in my car outside of Michael's waiting for them open. Yes, I am that addicted to my hobby. Haha (more about that in a future post) I am absolutely picturing the lady with her face squished against the glass while she taps on the window saying, "Open, open, open!" Yeah, that's the first place my mind goes when I here our prompt word. 

I am telling ya friends, my brain is the epitome of random! 

However, once I let myself ponder on it for a few, "open" takes on a deeper meaning for me. It makes me think about how I need to be more open to change. I need to be more accepting and embrace the changes that need to happen in my life and stop fighting them. To pinpoint it even more, I need to be more open to what God has planned for me.

Why does it seem like I have to do everything the hard way? My way? It isn't until I look back that I realize if I had just relinquished control and allowed God to work in my life that I would have saved myself a whole lot of trouble. It's my instinct to immediately go into panic mode and try to "figure out" what to do and how to fix whatever mess has presented itself to me at the moment. I don't want it to be that way. I want to be able to stay calm and trust that God is working on it. Trust that He has a plan and that He is in control. 

The last couple months I have felt overwhelmed by the things that have been happening in my life and with my children. I have felt beat down and at some points completely broken. It has been one thing after another consistently for the last two months. I don't even want to answer my phone anymore because I don't want to hear the bad news on the other end! I just want to scream "why God? How do I fix this? How do I make it all go away or get better?"

I can't. 

I have tried doing it alone, my way. I really have. Once again, I am failing at doing it alone. I think the lesson in all of this is I CAN NOT DO IT ALONE! 

I need to open my heart and my mind and LISTEN to God. I need to pray harder for guidance and wisdom. I need to open my bible and emerse myself in His Word to find the answers I need. To find the peace that I have been seeking. It's there. I just have to receive it. 

I know I am not alone. Have you been struggling lately? How have you been handling it? I would love to hear from you.



*If you would like to join Kate Motaung and the rest of us every Friday to write unedited for five minutes or you would just like to know more about how it works follow this link: Five Minute Friday

Falling In Love With The Simple Things.

Today was nice. 

Despite the throbbing that has been consistently happening in my head and the rush to get last minute paperwork done, it was a pretty good day. 

After dropping all the kids off at school I came home to not one but two smiling sleepy eyed boys in my bed! Randy has the week off and I honestly can't tell you how nice it has been to just do nothing! Or how it warms my heart to see Mr Waylon cuddled up to his daddy on a cold morning watching Paw Patrol. Ahh, it's the simple things I tell ya. 

We went exploring thrift stores in Denton just for the fun of it. Way had a blast and even found some treasurers along the way. After that we stopped at TSC and I seriously had to fight the urge to walk out of that place leaving all of these adorable little guys behind... 

 

Do you even KNOW how hard that was?!?! I mean, who in their right mind can resist adorable little duckies and chickies? I was this close to filling Randy's truck full of chirping cuteness when Waylon brought me back to reality. "Diesel can play with them like he does the squirrels Mommy!" 

Um, yeah, let's hold off on this adventure until we buy a place with a little more space for a coop and a SEPERATE space for Diesel. Mommy isn't too sure those cute little yellow things can run as fast as the squirrels and, well, last time Diesel got a squirrel to stop long enough to "play" it didn't turn out so well. 😁 No worries, crisis adverted.  (Disclaimer: No baby chicks or ducks were hurt during this temporary lapse in judgement brought on by my love for anything small and cuddly.)

We rounded up the other kids when it was time and just kind of hing out for the rest of the night. Cadens practice was cancelled due to the quick bout of rain we had so there was no real demand to be here or there at any certain time. It was very relaxing. 

I know this is the calm before the storm though. In a few weeks baseball/softball will kick off and I'll be on the run again. It was just so nice having daddy home and available for a change. Normally he is working like crazy. We are praying super hard for whatever it is that God has planned for us in the future that will make this more of a regular thing. We love it. 

God knows our needs and He knows our hearts. He will works everything out and we will be blown away at how He makes all of it come to be even better than we could have ever imagined! I just have to work on waiting patiently for it to happen!

Until then I am going to focus on the little things. The small, simple moments that make such a huge impact on all of us. I am going to capture those and hold them tight. I am going to relish in them and thank God every step of the way! 

I Miss You

I hate that it has been so long since I have posted something. It's not like I don't think about it. In fact, I feel like that's my problem. I over think it. What do I write? How much do I disclose?What will my "audience" think of what I say? What if I don't portray myself as a self respectful Christian woman that I am? 

I am sure that if I were to just open my heart and spill it out before you, y'all would think I am insane. (Haha Maybe I am.) But the thing is, that's exactly what I created this blog for. Just my random thoughts and feelings. A place I can go to release the stress of the day in a way that I love. Through writing. 

Who cares if it makes sense? 

Who cares if you don't agree with what I say?

Who cares if I am not politically correct or if I say something that you don't like? 

 

This is MY place. This is MY thing. And I am not going to continue to avoid posting whatever I feel like posting becaue I am worried about how someone my interpret it or what they will think of me after reading a post. 

I am going to go back to the way I used to do it. Back to the Five Minute Friday style of writing. Unedited, free writing. 

Ohhhh yeah, I have missed doing this! 

I have been writing but not hitting publish. Not anymore. Hang on y'all, this might get crazy! (Haha just kidding! If anything it may not make any sense, but at least I am getting it out....right?) 

New Year, New Me? Probably Not!

Well Hello 2015!!! 

Wow, remember when we were just kids and the thought of 2015 gave us images of some far away futuristic land where our cars had auto-pilot and robots did all of our chores? With the way technology is advancing I am pretty sure those things are not so far fetched anymore but for now, well for now we are content with iPhones the size of a book and selfies. 

Still a lot has changed, as life typically does. 2014 flew by in a blur of busy chaos that still leaves me dizzy. We made it though. We are all here and accounted for. Healthy and for the most part happy. But, with every new year comes the need for change. It's ineveitable. As much as I don't like it and as much as I make fun of everyone who does it, I find myself doing it too. 

You know what I am talking about, I know you do! 

Resolutions. Goals. Aspirations. The whole out with the old, in with the new mindset. New year, new me right? 

Wrong!! 

It just doesn't work that way. Just because we flipped the calendar does not mean we can just stop being who we were yesterday. We are not all going to miraculously stop pigging out on junk food because it's January and we have a fresh start!! (I seriously didn't even make it an hour before I killed that goal! Haha!) 

We do it with good intentions though. I mean, I honestly WANT to lose 40+ pound this year, read more, blog more, exercise more, spend less. I really WANT to stop yelling at my kids so much (because it feels like that's all I do) and try listening more. I WANT to take the time to enjoy the little things and stop letting life get so out of control. Realistically though, if I REALLY wanted to do any of those things, I wouldn't have had to wait until January first before setting a goal and working to achieve it. 

Don't get me wrong, I completely understand the desire to make New Years resolutions. It's a clean slate. It's a chance to forget about all the ups and downs and past failures of the last year and work to make the new, upcoming year a great one. I totally get that but if you're like me, it never really works out well. What I am trying to get at is this: 

Instead of doing really good for a week or two and then stumbling a little and giving up completely,why don't we make it easier on ourselves and it try a different way? What if we altered our whole outlook on the "New Year, New Me" thing? Take some of the immediate pressure off and stop being so hard on ourselves! How you ask? It's simple really. 

Just take one day at a time. 

Whoa! Did I really just say that?! Yes, yes I did! You see, I have realized that I don't do well with long term goals. I am what some may call impatient. I want to see results right away. I despise having to wait very long for anything. In turn, by setting long term goals for myself all I am really doing is setting myself up for failure. If I don't see results or if I run into some snags along the way I tend to shut down and give up. It took me a loooong time to figure this out but I think I am on to something here. 

Baby steps. I think thats the key or at least it's the key I am going to try! 

What do you think? Do you think I am on to something here or just off my rocker and babbling at 2:30am? 

I hope that, whatever way you choose to uphold your New Years resolutions, you are successful and that your year is full of wonderful memories and many blessings.   It is my intention to work harder at keeping this little blog up to date on my progress. I would love nothing more than to hear how you are doing as well so come visit me often and let me know how things are going for you. 

Until then, love and prayers, 

Hold Me Tight

It's quiet. 

I do my best thinking when it's quiet. 

Right now I am thinking how clostrophobic I am feeling. I am currently squished in between my husband, who insists that he is unable to sleep unless we are spooning and he is as close to me as possible (the man is a heater and I am dying), and my littlest guy, who is adamant that he must sleep next to me because he is afraid of heights. I have no idea what heights has to do with anything but he is two and a half and he is afraid so he needs to be held close. 

I want to scream because I don't do well in small spaces. It's hot. I can't breathe. Could either one of them get ANY closer?! Seriously!!

And right smack dab in the middle of what is sure to be a huge panic attack I hear a little whisper...

"Hold me tight momma." Yep, this is bad. 

"Mommy is holding you tight Waylon" I have my hand draped over him and he is as close to me as possible. 

"No you not, hold me TIGHT.....please hold me tight." Instinctively, I wrap my hand tightly underneath him and pull him against me. 

"Yeah, like that mommy!" Just like that his little world is right again. 

Just like that I can't breathe again. Not because I feel confined or clostrophobic but because my heart is overflowing with emotion. (And so are my eyes) He feels safe. In my arms he feels content and comfortable and nothing else matters. Something so little can have such an impact on him. He trusts me. He has faith that I will take care of him. 

Sometimes I need that security too and I get frustrated when I can't find it. I try to explain it to my husband or my close friends/family and for some reason I just can't find the words to help them understand what I need to make me feel secure, safe. Sometimes I just don't have the faith or trust in them to be able to do the job. 

Sometimes it's like that with my relationship with God too. Unfortunately, I have been guilty of not trusting Him to do the work that needs to be done in my life. Especially lately. I get on this kick where I think I can do it on my own. I think I can figure it out because I know what's best for me and my situations and because I tend to be stubborn. 

I am wrong. I can't do it alone. I don't have it all figured out. I will NEVER have it all figured out. I don't know what is best for me, no matter how much I try to tell myself I do. What has really happened is I have let satan take a hold of my weaknesses and use them against me. I have let my faith in God waiver. I have not trusted His plan for my life. Every single time I do this I am always left thinking 'why didn't I just do it your way God? It would have saved me a lot of trouble'.

You see friends, I have learned that it is not about finding someone who understands me, who can help me through whatever it is I am going through. It's about realizing that I already have Him. All I have to do is turn to Him and whisper "Father, hold me tight." and have faith that He will take care of me.

And He will. He does. 

My Struggle, His Victory

It's been one of those days!!

You know those days where getting up and going to work at an actual 9-5 job looks like heaven! 

Ugh! I loath days like today!!

Don't get me wrong. I love my children. I love being able to stay at home with them and watch them grow. I love being the one that the come to when they want to build a fort using every blanket I just washed and all the cushions from the couch, which reminds me that I need to vacuum all the junk that's hiding in there. I love playing cars with the boys or painting nails with my girl. I love being the one that kisses their owies and makes it all better. But as most of you stay at home moms know our job is anything but easy!!

My wonderful, but verbally challenged husband, asked the no-no question tonight. That one question that gets us all worked up! "What did you do all day!"

REALLY??!!??!! 

I don't know why but this question always bothers me! Granted, my house needs to be picked up and the floors are in desperate need to moping but seriously! Do you actually think I just hang out and party all day?! I wish!!! 

My day consists of coffee, lots of coffee (because none of us would make it through with out it), cooking, picking up toys, baths, chasing kids, refereeing fights, running errands, running kids everywhere, time outs, screaming kids (and mommy too), church..... It's never ending!  During the school year we have baseball/softball practice, homework (or better known as battle of willpower that usually ends in tears) and all the fun activities that come with school. This year I am SO lucky (yes that is sarcasm you are detecting) to have a child in every rank of school there is. High School for Colten, Katie is starting Middle school, Caden is left in Elementary and Waylon wil be home with me doing Pre-K. You name it, I probably do it.

Yes, there are days that I say forget it all and NOTHING gets done. Lately that seems to be happening more and more. I don't have the energy and sometimes I just don't care. I think I am in a slump and I think satan is trying his hardest to keep me there. I think he is testing my relationships, with God as well as those closest to me, to try to take away everything good and make me feel like I have nothing or no one to turn to. Well I have news! I am a fighter and it may take me a minute or two to figure out what is going on but now that I have you can bet that I am not just going to allow myself to just succumb to the dark sad world of feeling overwhelmed and defeated. I will not!

A couple of weeks ago a friend told mine to read the book of Ephesians, really dig into it and read it. I am so thankful that I didn't just blow it off like I have been doing with everything else lately. I have gotten so much from just jumping in and reading, especially when I didn't want to. Probably the verses that hit me that hardest are Ephesians 5:8-13:

 ⁸ For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light ⁹ (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) ¹⁰ and find out what pleases the Lord. ¹¹ Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. ¹² It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. ¹³ But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.

So I will do as it says and I will live as a child of light. I will love this place and time that God has for my life and I will do so with out questioning His plan His timing for my life. I will try harder at having faith in what I believe and not letting doubts creep in. Most importantly, when I feel like life is pulling me under I will reach out and ask for help and seek answers from my Bible because when all else fails God is one thing I can always count on!